Bathroom Monologue: The Congressman Sleeps in a Coffin

Takes limeade and half a bagel in there every morning, and doesn't rise from the grave until 8:00. Until then he e-mailing, blackberrying and other verbs you don't associate with coffins. I've even seen him doing sit-ups.

It's the only coffin in the capitol with a chamber pot. He sleeps there every night, and it's probably killed his sex life. Now I always assumed it was a penance thing, wanting to rest in the same accommodations as his son, yet when the honorable Horace Tetley of Nebraska asked him about that, well, you'll have to excuse the expressions, but our man turned downright grim.

It seems it's not as simple as losing a son overseas. It's that he wants to know exactly what he's advocating against. The publicity stunt leaves most of his staff uncomfortable, but his colleagues find it very difficult to argue in favor of another foreign war to a man who can ask if they know what's like to spend a night in a coffin.