tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post3977546248528243514..comments2024-02-22T07:47:22.661-05:00Comments on The Bathroom Monologues: Bathroom Monologue: Fuzzy Kind of ViewJohn Wiswellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-72978020706972485582013-06-26T22:27:21.547-04:002013-06-26T22:27:21.547-04:00"She feels like dough taken out of the oven t..."She feels like dough taken out of the oven too early, and she smells like sea salt and basil, and I dread what she's been cooking while I've been in the hospital." <br /><br />This line sold the whole damned thing for me.<br /><br />And this reminds me of an exercise in unreliable narration cause no matter how suspicious I may be of Sherri or Dr. Preisblatt I'm more suspicious of the drugged-out, itchy-wristed narrator by far.Bevimushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14924337684790883853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-44663065393784575552013-06-25T05:06:07.697-04:002013-06-25T05:06:07.697-04:00I'm not sure that I found this surreal, per se...I'm not sure that I found this surreal, per se, but it was a bit difficult - I felt like she shouldn't trust Sherri, that there was some kind of ulterior motive, and I was wondering if maybe Sherri had a lot to answer for in putting her in that position to start with.Icy Sedgwickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11501193571425442406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-31054525655435326982013-06-22T14:20:27.325-04:002013-06-22T14:20:27.325-04:00There is nothing, nothing, nothing worse than some...There is nothing, nothing, nothing worse than somebody who wants to care for you and you can't stand them. Maybe she wasn't supposed to, but Sherry creeped me out. In an effective sort of way.Katherine Hajerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08270232675026751342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-76106011399624144842013-06-22T13:48:52.002-04:002013-06-22T13:48:52.002-04:00Really liked the descriptions and all the sensory ...Really liked the descriptions and all the sensory detail.Sonia Lalhttp://storytreasury.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-71900279619944350042013-06-22T13:45:38.316-04:002013-06-22T13:45:38.316-04:00I didn't get that she was a girl at first. Rea...I didn't get that she was a girl at first. Realized this a couple of paragraphs in. LOL wonder what else I missed. Is she and the other girl friends or lovers? I can't quite tell?Sonia Lalhttp://storytreasury.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-91258260284267773962013-06-22T09:37:20.403-04:002013-06-22T09:37:20.403-04:00I got a playful feel between the narrator and Sher...I got a playful feel between the narrator and Sherri, even in these dire circumstances. I think you handled it well.liminalfictionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08762010680878316253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-66236242764430592582013-06-22T09:27:51.244-04:002013-06-22T09:27:51.244-04:00Marc, did you mean "her motor functions"...Marc, did you mean "her motor functions"? Isn't the narrator female?liminalfictionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08762010680878316253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-16978249007704069992013-06-22T02:53:17.946-04:002013-06-22T02:53:17.946-04:00There's something twisty going on here, a very...There's something twisty going on here, a very strange energy between the two characters. Color me intrigued! Cynthiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912167351889969855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-8040872521294220642013-06-21T19:33:12.547-04:002013-06-21T19:33:12.547-04:00Nicely done, John. Difficult subject matter handle...Nicely done, John. Difficult subject matter handled in an almost surreal manner.Tim VanSant Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17614259042362664840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-51987726441823592222013-06-21T19:33:01.949-04:002013-06-21T19:33:01.949-04:00I really felt the character's perspective here...I really felt the character's perspective here. Being drugged up is never nice, especially in the hospital. And the feel of the itchy wrists was quite awful. <br /><br />Jai<br /><br />Jai Joshihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858987106548357551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-28021282715036977042013-06-21T14:46:28.167-04:002013-06-21T14:46:28.167-04:00That you know of....
Couldn't help it Tony, y...That you know of.... <br />Couldn't help it Tony, you stepped right into that one. :)<br /><br />Sorry for the hijack JonDeanna Schrayerhttp://deannaschrayer.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-41049695986181506962013-06-21T14:44:24.338-04:002013-06-21T14:44:24.338-04:00Great detail in this John and I agree with Marc, y...Great detail in this John and I agree with Marc, you could continue this into a short, or even longer.Deanna Schrayerhttp://deannaschrayer.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-39764318619407937792013-06-21T13:53:52.160-04:002013-06-21T13:53:52.160-04:00I enjoyed this take on a difficult subject, John. ...I enjoyed this take on a difficult subject, John. I like the way it left me with a lot of questions - should she trust Sherri? What drove her to this point? etc. I think I liked that because these situations always leave a lot of questions. It least she made it through and is getting help. Chuck Allenhttp://www.chuckallen.us/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-67096742695508218492013-06-21T13:04:57.237-04:002013-06-21T13:04:57.237-04:00I think this is a hard slice of life vignette. I w...I think this is a hard slice of life vignette. I wanted to take the narrator from the middle of things to that ending point of some tranquility while leaving the baggage all around the scene. Does it sound weird that this felt like doing the narrator justice?John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-72270655239034549762013-06-21T13:02:42.233-04:002013-06-21T13:02:42.233-04:00Loved the sensory descriptions:)Interesting psycho...Loved the sensory descriptions:)Interesting psychological piece - raises many questions: Why she hurt herself, who is Carlos, what exactly is the relationship between her and Sherri, the type of drugs she's on...Will there be more? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-27511101801087600822013-06-21T12:56:34.927-04:002013-06-21T12:56:34.927-04:00Touch and smell were the tactile grounds I tried t...Touch and smell were the tactile grounds I tried to work this one through. Very happy the armpit landed for you, Susan. I admit to having taken a little too much pride with that passage.<br /><br />And you get what you get - I have no grounds to tell you you're wrong. I may just as easily have gone too subtle or obscure in reference to what happened to the narrator.John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-57406012553694966712013-06-21T12:55:03.989-04:002013-06-21T12:55:03.989-04:00Heavy editing melts my brain for subtext as well, ...Heavy editing melts my brain for subtext as well, though I'm also willing to accept flaws in my story. Trying to go surreal in this fashion is always a risk for me. Happy to have any other readers pipe up if they have issue.John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-69366075557957866952013-06-21T12:53:41.334-04:002013-06-21T12:53:41.334-04:00And thank you for the kind words. I'm glad it ...And thank you for the kind words. I'm glad it touched down for you.John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-47175732630365422102013-06-21T12:53:24.713-04:002013-06-21T12:53:24.713-04:00Perhaps I'm too comfortable with the notion of...Perhaps I'm too comfortable with the notion of death and that's why I'm generally so eager to fall asleep. What a thought.<br /><br />And what would you want to see in a longer version of this, Marc?John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-66325104533013333352013-06-21T12:22:22.978-04:002013-06-21T12:22:22.978-04:00I'm not sure I got all the between the lines s...I'm not sure I got all the between the lines stuff. She slit her wrists, but now she's having trouble sleeping? The drugs make her anxious to stay awake? I think dealing with a large Word file this morning has melted my brain at least as much as our MC here. :-PLarry Kollarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08317037795075278427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-38383870280614676822013-06-21T09:45:31.800-04:002013-06-21T09:45:31.800-04:00Oh dear this piece was fantastic, but made me very...Oh dear this piece was fantastic, but made me very, very, very anxious for some reason! Franny Stevensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12428942126501817824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-63766093142220509772013-06-21T09:44:07.671-04:002013-06-21T09:44:07.671-04:00I did not recognize the extent of the injury or il...I did not recognize the extent of the injury or illness until I read the keywords under the story, but we have already established the fact that I often don't get your humor mostly because I lack that sense, it seems, or I am not looking for it. I really liked the description of her "flabby armpit" and "She feels like dough taken out of the oven too early." Where others mentioned the sense of smell I was more impressed by the sense of touch. Overall, the character's vulnerability in this exhange are strongly evident. Good job, John. I liked it.Susan Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05076064230626935030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-52929524544097264462013-06-21T07:59:22.202-04:002013-06-21T07:59:22.202-04:00Nobody has ever tried to kill me while I slept.Nobody has ever tried to kill me while I slept.Tony Nolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15090583562737225942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-19121741829234037142013-06-21T06:14:55.645-04:002013-06-21T06:14:55.645-04:00They have an odd relationship.
I'm not that le...They have an odd relationship.<br />I'm not that leery. I'd be out like a light.Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3337042377966398742.post-43015338552489482382013-06-21T03:45:44.643-04:002013-06-21T03:45:44.643-04:00I also really liked the power of the sense of smel...I also really liked the power of the sense of smell. The most powerful trigger for nostalgia that I know. Thanks.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.com