There is an audio edition of this monologue. To listen either click the triangle on the left to begin streaming it or click this text to download the MP3.
When I first heard there was a masked vigilante in town I was overjoyed. No more stringing along this rinky-dink corrupt and uninspired P.D. And when I heard he was going by “The Bat Man?” Fell down and wept on a fresh kill. Thank God, somebody campy as shit. A foil I could sink my teeth into.
He was after me within a week. Not me specifically – he thought I was four different criminals. I’m a professional and modus operendi isn’t that hard to fake at this level. Slew a newlywed couple near the harbor, like this particular serial killer was doing that summer. Even posed them on a cot, tastefully. Then I waited in the attic, with my gun and a view through the air vent.
He came in the window, floor length black cape draping behind him, and I drooped. His mask had devil horns, and he didn’t talk! No cavalier monologue, no procedural chatter. He was silent and grim and didn’t even smile as he stepped around my work. Why was his mouth the only exposed part of him if he wasn’t going to smile? The hero is bright, witty, handsome – he’s supposed to be good incarnate. This was an affront to all those Green Lanterns and Wonder Women. What worthwhile chase was I going to get out of this guy?
I almost shot him. Not only because he was trying to bring me to justice. Not only because he was dumb enough to wear body armor everywhere except his face. No, no, no. Because there are some things that are so wrong you can’t correct them straightforward. You’ve got to shake them. Agitate them. If his neck breaks while you’re trying to slap sense into him, at least you tried.
Had to do it myself. If the hero was going to be in black, I was going to be in Technicolor. If he was going to have a spooky bat on his chest, I’d wear a flower on my lapel. If he was going to glower, I’d wear the biggest smile he’d ever seen. I’d show him what he was doing wrong, become the light and laughter of this city while thinning its numbers.
A couple of wild cards at the scene of a crime, a couple of judges asphyxiated with laughing gas – I may have played it too strong. He was on me in three days. I let him chase me, my brooding foil, and made a discovery on the ledge of a building. He was very good at hand-to-hand – had his hand on my neck, my feet over a sheer drop. I had a gun to his chin and he wouldn’t let me go. The big, scary hero didn’t like killing! That’s the extent to which he wouldn’t steal the villain’s act.
That’s hypocrisy. Either he goes White Knight, or he joins my side. Doesn’t matter how many sidekicks I have to beat with a crowbar. He will either kill me and take my place, or he will get on his side of the line.
The Possible Origins for Him Archive.
Some great lines of reasoning in this;completely insane but great. Liked it a lot!-Tiffany
ReplyDeleteWell done! I love this series. The comic geek in me can't stop grinning.
ReplyDeleteLove the reading ... You and Tony Noland can have a radio troupe all on your own...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, what can I say? I dig these. And I, too, chuckle... The comic geek in me appreciates these.
Ha! He's so right on! This is great stuff.
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm happy to make comic nerds happy. That's the soul of the project, in a way. And it's funny to read people agree with him, on any level.
ReplyDeleteAnthony, want to run away and join our troupe?
Holy cow! Some very incisive wit at play here John, nicely written. :-)
ReplyDeleteLove the superheroes theme going on. Getting inside his head a lot of fun. You're great at the written word, the audio, but can you turn these into graphic novels WITH audio. That'd be da bomb. peace...
ReplyDeleteyou always write the villainous - and possibly the disturbed of mind - so well. What face do you see staring back at you in that bathroom mirror of yours?
ReplyDeletemarc nash
Your audio skills are so strong and showcased so well in these monologues. The differences from Joker to Joker are precise and incredible. Contrasting this Joker to the one in Possible Origins for Him: 6 is really an impressive demonstration of what a strong voice actor you are. Not only does the origin change, the Joker changes with it. Amazing!
ReplyDeleteP.S. This rocked. Seriously. I am telling all my friends.
Ha! I love this reasoning. It's so NOT insane that it's perfect, imho. I love the idea that he's just been hamming it up all this time to force The Bats into the classic hero role. Well done!
ReplyDeleteLoved the last bit of the piece. "He will either kill me and take my place, or he will get on his side of the line." That's right. I've got nothing more to say.
ReplyDeleteExcellent job, I'm going to have to go back and read the others now!
ReplyDeleteI thought your look into the character motivations of Batman and the Joker was really well done. Yes it was funny but also insightful. So very interesting. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteSheer awesomeness, John. In full geek pride, I agree with his perfectly plausible insane rationale. I love the dichotomy between them, and that last line is killer (pun not intended).
ReplyDeleteBravo!
I never thought much about the juxtaposition of the grin and the glower.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Fantastic! I've always loved the brooding Batman and never considered why Joker was so "happy". Loved it!
ReplyDeleteExcellent story! I enjoy Joker/Batman stories, so this was a lot of fun to read. Neat to see your take on one of the Joker's possible origin stories.
ReplyDeleteSteve, thanks for the kind words. Glad you found him witty.
ReplyDeleteLinda, I believe you're thinking of motion comics. They exist, though such a project would require licenses I don't have the rights to. Maybe some day...
Mr. Marc, when I think to look, it's usually grinning. Always got to keep a smile up in this world.
Cassie, I'm doing my best to muster a different Joker each time. Getting harder as time goes on. Thank you so much for your enthusiasm!
Amalia, so you think he's got a point? Aside from the knife, of course.
TS, which outcome would you prefer?
KateF, hope you enjoy the archive!
GP, what kind of insight did you take from it? Just curious.
Gracie, pun not intended? Well, it's endorsed regardless!
Tony, it's one of the things that's always struck me about the pair. Joker is, outside of being the bad guy, everything the hero is supposed to be. It's a swap, and maybe one of the reasons he means so much to me.
Danni, see? He's happy because he's picking up the slack.
What Marc said. :)
ReplyDeleteSeriously John, this is fantastic. I love the voice in this. Great inside view of evil.
More audio fun. This series is wonderful. The voice work is great in this one and brings the story alive.
ReplyDeleteI never really thought about the reversed good guy bad guy dynamic between these two. I have to say the Joker has a point. Batman get on your side of the line!
ReplyDeleteClever as always and the voice is getting better each time John.
The idea of Batman smiling is ridiculous. Will never happen, and that's why the cycle continues. Interesting take on the character. Did you see the Batman: Gotham Knight animated stuff? One bit was a neat look at why he isn't bulletproof.
ReplyDeleteDeanna, did you mean the voice I recorded, or what's in the text? Either way I take it as a big compliment. Thanks, Deanna.
ReplyDeleteDavid, I really enjoy doing the voices. Glad some people are digging them.
Harry, he recruited you to his side! One more for the good gu... the bad guys.
Valerie, he'll probably never become reasonable about his demands. I have seem Gotham Knight - if the "bulletproof" short is the one I'm thinking off, with the armload of guns, I liked it a lot.
Yes, I'm convinced. Why did Batman keep his mouth uncovered if he wasn't going to smile. Or, at the very least, talk.
ReplyDeleteI read this and loved it. I listened to the audio and loved it.
Guess I love it!
Excellent view from the other side, love it!
ReplyDeleteExcellent view from the other side, love it!
ReplyDeleteI just love this series of possibilities. Hubby overheard me listening and said, "Wow! This guy is incredible!" What can I possibly add to that, other than I completely agree. Your writing is incredible.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Jax about the comic geek in my loving this. Loved hearing your read it as well. That's an extra special treat.
ReplyDeleteMarisa, of course in the older comics and Adam West era he did smile and quip. Maybe he just misses his old nemesis.
ReplyDeleteVirginia, thanks!
Gany, you and your husband made me pretty happy with those compliments. Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked them so much.
Rachel, I get a kick out of recording this series. It's so good to have a stable microphone again - I try to get at least one recording a week.
I can't fault his logic, he actually sounds disturbingly sane.
ReplyDeleteNice work on the "reveal" of the Joker, technicolour etc - expertly done
Awesome. Just awesome I have a big geekette grin right now! :D
ReplyDeleteKari @ The Best Place By The Fire
Good monologue for a villain. I love the "campy as shit" line. When you think about some of the superhero types, sometimes you can't help but laugh.
ReplyDeleteYou give a really unique look at the whole Batman/Joker relationship. It would be fun to see the next Batman movie taken from your Joker's viewpoint. Really. You should talk to someone about that...send me a free movie ticket to the premiere, k?
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot, especially, "If his neck breaks while you’re trying to slap sense into him, at least you tried." And the closing line too, of course. All perfectly logical.
ReplyDeleteyou have some great one liners in there as others have mentioned. The Batman is my FAVORITE of all 'comic book hero' type stories too, and the Joker is my all time favorite villain! So I loved this piece!
ReplyDeleteThis just keeps getting better and better!
ReplyDeleteNice touch on the villian's point of view. Amused at the approach of foil to the origin creation. Enjoyed the audio reading as well.
ReplyDeleteJohn you need to be published. Period. Your stories are always so clever. This was no exception.
ReplyDeleteOf course Joker is on the side of the light! Why didn't we see it before?
ReplyDeleteGreat maniac reasoning, John! Love the reading too. :)
John, your Joker pieces are to fanfiction what the Joker is to Batman in this one - #7. I mean they're brilliant, original and they deconstruct the original model. Oh, by the way, very very funny too.
ReplyDeleteGreat insight to what The Joker may have been thinking. Somehow makes that character even more interesting. Liked it a lot.
ReplyDeleteThis is SO cool. I also loved the last line, you can see the frustration bleeding through really clearly for the first time that this guy is NOT PLAYING BY THE RULES, dammit! Very interesting.
ReplyDeleteA very cool and interesting piece. The opening line is killer and made we want to read it all the way. Some nice touches of detail, especially when explaining what is going on in the character's mind. Cool job, very fun to read.
ReplyDeleteJulio
Fantastic symbiosis and contrast and contradiction between the two characters. You can't have one without the other.
ReplyDeleteAdam B @revhappiness