Bathroom Monologue: He Could have had a V8

It is a little-known fact that veganism, while invented by humans, was not invented for humans. It was actually invented for vampires, as a healthy alternative to blood in the midst of the HIV scare of the late 20th century. They believed it would provide all the nutrients they needed without the risk of drinking tainted blood. It became very popular when vampires who followed the diet showed significant weight-loss, especially around the hips. The nigh-immortal race didn't realize their weight loss was actually vain starvation. Today the dietary value of veganism is best illustrated in that no one believes in vampires any more: there are so few of them still alive that they are considered a myth. Humanity is a cruel creature, and an even crueler chef.