Bathroom Monologue: He should've worn a space suit.

John dreamed of going to outerspace. He founded a space program in the third grade, consisting of him and his autistic school janitor. He did not make it far that first day, only three feet into the air, by jumping. The next day, he climbed a tree in his backyard. The biased school newspaper refused to cover the event, responding that the tree was only thirty-four feet in height, and reached nowhere near outerspace. Quite perturbed, he submitted a brisk editorial, explaining that by mounting the tree, he had outshone the previous day's achievement by a factor of ten. Multiplication was for fifth graders, and the editorial was written in crayon, so the space program's true success went unheard. The following weekend, John climbed atop his two-storey house. He fell, and cried all the way to the hospital, but on the drive back spoke positively about the great leap forward.