Bathroom Monologue: 'Till Tailgating Do Us Part

" My wife and I can't drive together. She is insane. She'd rather look at anything instead of the road. A pretty house. A pasture. The clouds. Like she doesn't see clouds when we're home? There'll be a car weaving in front of her and she'll be looking at the condos. And when I'm driving, she's constantly pointing out things for me to look at. Apparently that mansion is more interesting than the sharp turn ahead. I'm not taking anything from her. She's been in seven accidents, and the last one cost $3,000 to repair. She says, "Well I've been driving every day for the last ten years, and only been in accidents on seven of them." I say, "You've been working for twenty years. How many days have you made $3,000?" We'll be divorced by Easter. "