Bathroom Monologue: Justice, like lighting!

I've never understood doing what voices tell you. Most of the voices are children. If a live child tells me to go strangle the neighbor's dog, I tell it to get the heck off my lawn. The disembodied child voice isn't even on my lawn. I'll tell it the Easter Bunny isn't real and it'll run away crying.

If it's an adult voice, I'll reason with it.

“No, I won't strangle the neighbor's dog. It's cute and never craps on my part of the sidewalk."

Sometimes these voices claim authority. If it claims to be the voice of God demanding some violent sacrifice, well, that's the easiest case of all. I’ll tell it, “No. You do it.” I mean, it's God, right? “Heck, don't just strangle it. I want a bolt of lightning out of a clear sky to fry that frickin’ mongrel.”

Busted. It was one of those disembodied kid voices with a voice modulator. I taught those punks.