Bathroom Monologue: Adaptation

“The principle difference is that you want to make fairytales dark, and I want to make myths light. You make Little Red Riding Hood into a bleak murder story and Peter Pan an exercise in pedophilia; I make Jupiter into a lovable dolt, and turn ancient wars into sitcoms. You're fascinated with elevating the grim aspects of life and spreading them to regions where we've never seen them before. I'm fascinated with how stupid that is, and showing just that wherever your kind has already been. The winner of our little contest will be whoever outlives the other. The prize will be writing the loser’s biography.”