Bathroom Monologue: Imagine a chef with the Pope’s hat

“To me, religions and philosophies are restaurants. You eat at them if you don’t feel like cooking for yourself. Some people only eat out on Sundays. A lot of people stick with the same food they grew up on, while others run screaming from the mere smell of Roman Catholic cuisine. Not everyone craves the same thing and the menus of popular places usually offer enough to please enormous crowds of disparate pallets. It’s common for two people to go to the same diner all their lives seeking different entrées. More sophisticated consumers can go from restaurant to restaurant without much issue, while some very immature people just have to make a scene, and there’s always a condescending view of cheap franchises. A few poor consumer reviews could cripple an expanding business. Food poisoning is a concern with restaurants no one’s heard of before, and it’s hard to shake a bad reputation. Sometimes there are kitchen fires, and suddenly the Jews are driven out of Russia. Myself, I like to go out every once in a while, but mostly I mostly eat in, making whatever sustains and satisfies my appetites. The major difference between philosophy and food is that a chef has the manners not to tell you how to cook at home.”