Bathroom Monologue: Only Human

“The Humanists are protesting this? Why? They’re Humanists! Don’t they have to like anything humans do? It’s in the name. Taoists can’t be against the Tao. Nudists can’t be against getting naked. I’m pretty sure Islamists aren’t against Islam, but I don’t care enough to check. I’m human. My idiocy is human. I don’t turn into a Martian when I do something illogical. If a human wants to frolic in his backyard fairyland, they should be the first ones backing him up! The Fairyists should be protesting. Protesting irrationality isn’t Humanism. It’s old store brand assholism! It’s assholistic! That’s what they are! Tell the real Humanists that they’re invited to come watch a 42-year-old human hunt for pixies in his garden. They can join in if they want, but they have to bring their own magnifying glasses. Where’s my hat?”