Bathroom Monologues: Signs of a Man Who was Broke at Some Point

-Tears tissues in half at the fold so he can use one item twice
-Orders a plain hamburger because, “I can remember the taste of cheese while I eat”
-Compliments the aroma of your pet food
-Always counts his change before pocketing it
-Not only tells you to put cans in the recycling bin, but will pick them out of the garbage can if you forget
-Doesn’t destroy cobwebs immediately because, “I want to see what she’s doing with this one first”
-Knows how long the food in your freezer will stay fresh if the power goes out, or if it’s unplugged
-Knows the figure you’ll save per week if you quit smoking (and has a questionable algorithm that shows how much you’ll save into the next year as the addiction grows stronger)
-Nothing is ever broken, just in need of duct tape