Bathroom Monologue: Losing for Student Council Can Really Get to You

A man so ridiculously wealthy that he paid the wages of every government employee for one day, and did it every year on that day – his birthday. The terms were that they had to call in sick. After additional funds went to bribe officials until he shut down the government, just once a year, officially buying his own holiday: George Day. A wise man, he reallocated his birthday to permanently occur on the last Friday of the month, so that everyone would have a three-day weekend on George. He quickly became one of the most popular men on the planet, and while it eventually sent him into bankruptcy, he never had trouble paying for drinks. They were always on someone else.