Bathroom Monologue: I need to lay off the M*A*S*H marathons

“Hey there. You’re my last patient for the day. How’s it feel to be the healthiest man to lay on my table today? You see, by triage the most gravely injured patients come in first. My first was a kid missing his legs. Stepped on a land mine. The second was his sister. Shouldn’t have tagged along so close behind him. Your bullet wound in the shoulder looks pretty nice in comparison, and by virtue of being the last patient you’re the luckiest unlucky man in the war. How does that feel? I mean the needle, not the emotion. I have enough of the latter to last me until my next Amazon order arrives. I’m getting some new psycho-theory stuff. Do-it-yourself psychology. They say the easiest way to go nuts is… and we’re done.”