Bathroom Monologue: As Many As the Beast

“Right now you’re wondering why the beast is on my side. I mean, you’re wondering a lot: how I got into your bedroom, how long before the beast devours all of your watchmen, and certainly why both the prince and the beast are both alive. I’d wonder such things, with the sword were to my neck. But back when you tricked the beast into kidnapping my bride and I hunted it down for vengeance, we had a talk. It’s remarkably reasonable for a man-eater. When I’d stabbed it right about where I’ve stabbed you now, it opened a dialogue. We wondered if two folk as driven to the destruction of their antagonists as we couldn’t have better enterprises for our energies. If I could kill him and he could kill my entire hunting party, then what could we accomplish together? And it’s days like this when we’ve brought down your entire castle and managed to get inside your panic room that we really realize that potential. We’re much better at rescuing princesses together than competing over them. Now, if you would be so kind… where is my bride? Or should I poke the other kidney? I doubt you have as many to spare as my friend.”