Bathroom Monologue: The Rule of Eleven Daughters

Handy eyes-free audio edition: The Rule of Eleven Daughters

The king had eleven daughters by the queen alone. The first was a joy - no good man resents his first child. Even the second and third were profound pleasures. But soon any king must fear for the future of his throne.

By the seventh daughter, he was consumed with conceiving a son. He did not put his wife to death - she'd have none of it, and getting rid of his official mate would be like killing a cook because not enough food was coming out of the kitchen. He conscribed more cooks, both literal and figurative, filling a wing of the castle with mistresses and feeding them any arcane aphrodisiac the wisemen came up with. Soon he took more to bed than to the throne room.

In his stead, his three eldest daughters played at policy. They began with the army, improving budgets and rations. They went on to pave roads nearest the heart of the kingdom and funded massive irrigation digs, but every four seasons, it was back to military investment. Soon not a regiment wanted for arms or armor, and not a soldier complained of overlong tours of duty. By the time that first daughter reached maturity, the kingdom’s army was so vast that no other territory would pick a war with them anymore. The army fast became a recreational trade.

When the king died, sonless and unhappy, it was the tidiest coup you ever saw. The princesses took the throne and every major general was at their side. There was no one in the land trained to fight who was against it, and so matriarchy was established. Soon there were eleven ladies voting on the future of the country, counseled by experts of all disciplines, and their mother. It broke down stereotypes like you wouldn't believe.

Isn't that how it went in your country?