Bathroom Monologue: A Beat Passes

[SAMID sits in the booth by the window, wearing a pink tuxedo. A GIANT BLACK CAT sits next to SAMID, drinking from a saucer of milk; she is the only one who has ordered anything yet. GARY sits across from SAMID, wearing a banana yellow tuxedo that is mildly crumpled. ARYANA sits very close to GARY but is looking away from him, wearing nothing noteworthy to anybody who hasn’t slept with her recently. A beat passes.]

Samid: But I don’t understand, Aryana. She’s almost a hundred years old. Alzheimer’s has eaten almost all her brain. Why do you have to be so cruel to her?

Aryana: It’s not cruel. It’s time she stopped believing that crap.

Samid: She can’t believe anything for more than ten minutes. Can’t you show your mom a little more sensitivity?

Aryana: I’m not letting her delude herself. She needs to face the truth.

[A beat passes.]

Giant Black Cat: Why?

Aryana: Because it’s the truth.

[GARY mumbles something.]

Aryana: What was that?

[A beat passes. ARYANA pushes GARY.]

Arayna: What did you say?

Gary: I asked, when did you start caring about the truth?

Aryana: How dare you?

Gary: Oh please. You’ve got heels on that change your legs, butt and height. You’re wearing stockings despite spending two hours shaving your legs this morning. You’ve got a corset on under the jacket, a wonder bra, blush, eye shadow, and contacts that make your eyes look green instead of blue. Since when have you cared so deeply about the truth?

[A beat passes.]

Samid: How do you know she shaved her legs this morning?

[ARYANA and GARY look away, in opposite directions.]

Samid: Ohhh.

[A beat passes.]

Samid: So that’s where you’ve been all this time, Gary? You and… [SAMID trails off]

Giant Black Cat: Ew.

[GARY does not look at SAMID. A beat passes.]

Samid: Great. Now no one’s talking to each other.

Giant Black Cat: We could talk.

Samid: About what?

[A beat passes.]