Bathroom Monologue: Uncivilized Dining

"Utter barbarians. They eat the flesh of wild beasts. Sometimes they domesticate them on farms, but always are the beasts slaughtered. They hack them up, taking the tissue from the ribs here, or the gullet, or tongue, or something called "sweet meats." You don't want to know what those are. They like the taste of beasts, and more barbarically, they throw it on fires first! It seems burning these pieces of the dead makes them taste even better. Rip off hunks of animal, char it beyond recognition and then consuming the product. Why they can't just eat their young like a civilized race, I don't know. You should hear them complain about overpopulation as though there isn’t a nutritious option right at the supper table! I say we skip this one and give space travel to the next planet."