Bathroom Monologue: The God of Amusement

Normally a god patronizes his subject. Dionysus keeps men opening breweries. Ares seeds the world with wars. Cupid flutters around shooting hormonal girls with pink arrows. But the god of muses, usually called “A.,” is a rare sort of slacker god. His muses do all the work for him, sprinkling the world with sitcoms and big budget battle movies. Unlike the skyfathers and earthshakers, A. only gives his subjects suggestions and leaves it to them to get it done. In turn, the muses refuse to write or perform much of their own material, passing the buck on to humans. A. sets the example, and so can’t complain. What he wishes his muses would do is made pretty obvious, though, when you look at trends in teen fashion and the rise of pornography.