Bathroom Monologue: Highlights of Another Life

Born.

Suckled.

First steps.

Running (So healthy!).

Sleeping on his own.

Sleeping outside.

First lesson (Stop standing up like a person).

First fight.

First victory (Good boy!).

Fifth victory (You got so big!).

First loss.

First surgery.

Sixth victory (He's not the same).

Fifth loss.

First failed euthanasia.

Escape (Why go after him?).

Join wolves for first time.

Kill alpha male (Rur?).

First deer hunt.

Fifth deer hunt.

First human hunt (What's that outside?).

See girl naked for first time (Ahhhh!).

Figure out pants.

Interrupt child bloodsport for first time (Ahhhh!).

Evade police.

Find parents.

Have long talk.

First cannibalism (Just take your father!).

Get caught.

States witness deal (This will exonerate you for...).

First time on TV.

First book deal (Please don't eat your ghostwriter).

Fifth cannibalism.

Career slump.

First failed run for public office.

Learn English language.

Read unauthorized biography.

Tenth cannibalism.

Escape to Europe (This is ridiculous!).

Become sex symbol.

Join wolves for second time.

Don't kill alpha male.