Bathroom Monologue: Measure of Love

"How much do you love me?"

She demanded this of every suitor. And because her dowry and bosom were second to none in the land, many came to describe their love. They climbed the ebon stairs of her ivory tower and beheld her gilded throne.

A knight bent at her knee. He clasped his breastplate.

"I love you with such force that my heart nearly bursts through this steel."

He was ejected two seconds later.

A biologist bent at her knee. He pointed to his forehead.

"Do you see this?"

"Yes," she said, though she was looking at something else outside the window.

"I love you as much as the contents of this, firing very brightly."

He was ejected two seconds later.

A cynic bent at her knee. He did nothing special with his hands but had a cavalier smirk.

"I love you as much as you wish me to."

He was ejected ten seconds later.