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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Rapture Plan

"You can't be serious."

Saying it didn’t stop his roommate from tying the rope around his waist. Oliver threaded it through his belt-loops and double-knotted it over his fly. He shook the knot at Tom like a phallus of wisdom.

"You never know when the world will end. This is just as good a theory as any."

"No, it's not. Some radio guy in the middle of nowhere is not as good an authority as all the world's physicists."  Tom folded his arms. "And if God did yank you to Heaven, do you really think a rope is going to stop Him?"

Oliver laughed, tossing the loose end of the rope at Tom. It deflected off his shin.

"It's not supposed to stop God. If I get called up, you and anybody else nearby grabs onto the rope. I figure Jesus can't disagree with saving people."

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13 comments:

  1. LindaMay 21, 2011 at 10:37 AM

    ha! as if a rope will save us all. my kiddos are berserk right now with the end of the world. they keep asking for money. I say, have some chocolate -- a twenty won't help you if it's true! peace...

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  2. Virginia MoffattMay 21, 2011 at 10:46 AM

    Great plan! Love the last line...

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  3. Erin Kane SpockMay 21, 2011 at 11:16 AM

    Phallus of wisdom... beautiful.
    So far no rapture. Or perhaps my whole family has been *dun dun dunnnn!* left behind.

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  4. Danielle La PagliaMay 21, 2011 at 11:30 AM

    I actually laughed out loud at that. Love it! And I promise to throw you a rope. #RaptureReadyFace

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  5. Chuck AllenMay 21, 2011 at 12:56 PM

    It's always good to have a plan. And one that thinks of others is certainly admirable. :)

    "phallus of wisdom" - that had me laughing

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  6. Max CantorMay 21, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    All I can think of is a sound bite from another monologue...

    God: "Oh, no; we'll have none of that shit today!"

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  7. JemmaMay 21, 2011 at 1:41 PM

    This is the most adorable plan ever.

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  8. A.M.HarteMay 21, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    Damn, no one near me had a rope. Guess I've been left behind :-/

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  9. MariMay 21, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    The reasoning is good! LOL

    Hey, throw that rope this side now. Pretty please? ;D

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  10. Helen A. HowellMay 21, 2011 at 9:39 PM

    Haha ha laughed out loud at this - It's Sunday in Oz now, so I haven't been raptured I guess I don't need that rope!

    Helen - helen-scribbles.com

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  11. PJMay 21, 2011 at 10:21 PM

    Sounds as sane as any other plans i've heard lately. Very cute, John :-)

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  12. Jodi MacArthurMay 21, 2011 at 10:58 PM

    Hope you remembered to turn off those ceiling fans, Indiana

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  13. Alan W. DavidsonMay 22, 2011 at 8:40 AM

    Har, Jodi's comment cracked me up.

    Knowing my luck, the rope would be just out of my reach. Or it would break. Over the Atlantic.

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