"People always complain about getting the ever-loving shit scared out of them. Sometimes, about having the ever-loving shit kicked out of them. Regardless as to the genesis of excretion, this ever-loving shit is always internal. But to the best of my knowledge and extensive MRI scanning, I don't have any ever-loving shit, or feces of any potent emotion. All stool samples register solely as repugnant on smell alone. So how does one get such shit? Is it ingested? Gestated? I feel my diet is average for an American, so if these were the cases I'd have gotten some ever-loving shit into me. This leaves me believing such excrement must be surgically implanted. My primary care physician refuses such an operation. I'm left with no recourse but to ask the public: which surgeons do you recommend for a everloving shitectomy? Do you require a donor for transplant, or is it cultured in highly romantic septic tanks?"
I think people view shit in a different context once they have a child. It becomes a much more 'in your face' experience. Sometimes literally.
ReplyDeletemood
Oh dear gods, 'highly romantic septic tanks' is the phrase of the day. *snickering*
ReplyDeleteHeh, it wouldn't be a "shitectomy" because that would be removing it (which can be done in the usual manner, of course, no surgery required unless you have a Very Serious Problem). I think what you want is a shit implant. I have to agree though, I've never seen an "ever-loving" shit. I'm not sure I'd want any either. Like Mooderino, I get plenty of the normal kind from Mason's atomic waste dumps.
ReplyDeleteNice mid-morning giggle!
Being in Southern California, the capital of implants, I must say this is a new one, but I'm sure I could find an Excrement Augmentation Specialist around here somewhere.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't the fact that it will love forever be enough? Must we analyse the ever-loving shit out of EVERYTHING that is romantic??? Just accept the love, John. Just know that it will always be there. Somewhere, loving you.
ReplyDeletea thoughtful discussion that needs pondering..then a scooper..
ReplyDeleteThere are some classic lines in here, John. I won't call them deep thoughts, but classic nonetheless. :)
ReplyDeleteI suppose have ever loving shit implanted is much better than having the shit knocked out of you.....
ReplyDeleteSurely not having ever loving shit in one is a defect of some sort - perhaps what's need is a shitoplasty -
Molding or shaping of a defect to restore form and function to a body part.
Still sounds messy to me :o)
From almost an etymological perspective, the phrase suggests the emotional attachment of the shit to its host (rather than the other way around). For instance, when the ever-loving shit is kicked out of you, that's a bad thing for the shit, which is forced to leave the sanctuary of its beloved colon. I suspect, as a result, that people possessing ever-loving shit tend to be more constipated.
ReplyDelete