Bathroom Monologue: Real Time Recipe

1. Buy two containers of sugar-free vanilla ice cream, because that was her favorite flavor back when she could eat ice cream with abandon. Sit them in the back seat for the half hour drive home from the store.

2. When you get home, grab a lidded pan. Tear out a long sheet of wax paper and line the bottom of the pan, leaving two ends of the sheet sticking out on the sides.

3. The ice cream has softened because ice cream is treacherous. Open one container and spoon it into the pan.

4. Take the sugar-free oreos a friend purchased specially online for this. Empty one package into the blender. Chop them up well.

5. Pour the oreos over the ice cream. Spread them out with a spoon to get it even.

6. Open the second ice cream container and spoon it over the oreo layer. Get it relatively smooth. Then loosely wrap the wax paper over it and seal the lid over that. Sealed, it won't absorb any flavors from the freezer. Stick it in the freezer to firm up until she gets here.

7. When she wants a dessert but is in the other room, remove the pan from the freezer. Remove the lid and turn it upside down over a large plate. Apply a little heat to the pan and it will slide out.

8. Peel off the wax paper. Take the rest of your sugar-free oreos and decorate the thing before she gets back. Quicker – she’s coming. You should probably stick some candles in there.

9. Your diabetic friend now has an ice cream cake for her birthday.