Bathroom Monologue: My Kind of Priest

“Useless son of a mother-licking—”

“What bothers you, my son?”

“I’m not Catholic, padre.”

“Sorry. What bothers you, my nephew?”

“The bastard’s been riding me all day. I only missed one lug nut on his jeep and the sergeant’s making like I forgot to screw on his… listen, is it against your code to hear dirty words?”

“We have a policy about this which you might have heard. Turn the other cheek?”

“Both are already blistered, padre.”

“God gave you four, my nephew.”

“Ha! What kind of priest are you?”

“A new one, for starters. Only giving my first sermon this weekend.”

“What’s it about? I might come if the internet goes out again.”

“Not taking yourself too seriously.”

“Well I’m not, it’s just this sergeant--”

“Neither am I. It’s my topic. Thanks for helping me.”

“Where are you going? We were just getting started.”

“So am I. Now I’ve got to go write that sermon. If you get curious, tickets are free.”

“Come back! Buy me a beer and I’ll confess!”