My favorite is probably the Sunrise Apocalypse. It’s sort of
a three-way, right? Because first you got the meteors hitting the planet, and
the monsoons of dust blotted out the sky. That killed off the sauropods, as
best we can tell, by killing off all the above-ground plants. Then the
underground plants poked up and allegedly took over the planet, but that’s
probably a crock, right? Because they starved to death next, without the
sunshine. Though it is funny to imagine a bunch of giant vine-monsters busting
through the crust thinking its their time to rule, and wilting a week later.
So you knock off most of the sauropods, and most of the
giant plants. That left the mammals in control, which is when vampirism really
took off. The World of Night, where rats and fanged birds carried the plague
across the entire continent. Tribes of infected centaurs and humans laid waste
to any straggling healthy civilizations.
It was vampirism like the world has never known since. There
were so many that they were forced to hold each other back and let blooded
critters breed. They farmed people, region by region. The imps and centaurs
still live where vampires stuck them, claiming ancestral birthright, even
though that birthright was a nightmarish pen. The wars of that period were of
impatient vampires against cultured ones, killing each other over the
expiration dates of mammals. And then there was the apex predator.
There’s the legend – the awesome legend – of the infected
tyrannosaur rampaging the south coast. It never spread the disease because it
just ate anything it came across – centaurs, dorads, anything. Your people hid
in a cave? Then a bat flutters in, and before you realize it, the bat turns
into a vampire tyrannosaur and he’s eaten your entire tribe. I love that people
believe it’s still skulking in the volcanoes of the south. I don’t even care if
it’s real. Who doesn’t want to believe in a vampire tyrannosaur, blending in
with lava mist or drinking sharks at the bottom of the sea?
If it’s still swimming around, it’s all that survived.
Because under the torrents of dust, they were unbeatable kings and queens,
spreading their disease at will and treating the planet as a buffet. Then the
planet closed for business by clearing the atmosphere. It was the first morning
in nine hundred years. The sun crawled across this continent, frying
skinny-dipping biters, their ranchers and warlords, ones fleeing in the forms
of bats or wolves, though still more standing slack-jawed in awe. They’d
thought the sun was a fairytale.
Funny that they all turned to fairy dust. I hear faeries eat
vampire bones, and pay handsomely if you can find some.
Hands-down, the best apocalypse. It was just a sunrise. A
little twinkling of a nearby star, checking to see how we were doing and
eradicating most of the undead in existence. If only it was that easy to get
rid of tentacle monsters.
My favorite apocalypse? Will be whatever happens long after I am dead and gone. But this is a good one too.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you at all, even though I'd like to brag about going out in the big blaze when I reach the Pearly Gates.
DeleteInteresting, I don't know what my little girl would think about fairies eating vampire bones
ReplyDeleteCare to check with her and get back to us? I'm interested in polling data on fairies eating vampires.
DeleteWow that was a Monster of a story, sorta natural history lesson with a bite! I've always know that fairies were tricky little buggers! ^_^
ReplyDeleteJust building a little of the natural history of my Fantasy world. I dare other backstories to an armwrestling match.
DeleteA vampire tyrannosaur is so cool it bypasses my common sense circuits with ease.
ReplyDeleteI have the sudden urge to run some D&D...
Now what common sense disagrees with a vampire tyrannosaur, Peter? I'm highly curious for the objections. They may be more amusing than the answers.
DeleteVampire tyrannosaurs had me doing the "we are not worthy" gesture, a la Wayne's World.
ReplyDeleteand I can totally see fairies eating vampire bones.
Haha, thanks Mazzz! Wayans World comparisons are the kind of praise a fella needs.
DeleteSo much mashed-up here--love the vampire bone-eating faeries. No wonder they're so freaking ethereal. I buy your theory, totally. Peace...
ReplyDeleteWhat theory is it that you're buying? That vamps really took over for a period?
DeleteTentacle monsters are notoriously hard to get rid of. They're like static cling.
ReplyDeleteIt's an infection that really sticks. At least it's increasingly consensual transmitted these days.
DeleteYour imagination never ceases to amaze, John.
ReplyDeleteAny particular instance in this tale that brought this about, Tony?
DeleteOne man's apocalypse is another man's cleansing!
ReplyDeleteThat is the theme of their world! Everyone rules eventually.
DeleteIs it wrong that I'm thinking of the vampire in the Energizer bunny commercial? "Oh great." *poof*
ReplyDeleteThis is so full of cool stuff I can't even begin to list it, but the vampire tyrannosaurus is a winner!
It will almost certainly have to figure into one of the novels one of these days, right?
DeleteOh, I do like this, the idea of vampire dinosaurs is certainly one I've never come across before. Nice one John. :-)
ReplyDeleteI try to populate this fictional world with things people haven't seen before, or at least often. Glad my fanged t-rex tickled you, Steve.
DeleteLOL What a wonderful apocalypse. I really like the vampire t-rex.
ReplyDeleteI know I say this often when referring to your work, but I will say it again. Brilliant stuff, John! I like how the characters thought the Sun was a fairy tale. I think you could have fitted in some blood sucking plants in there too though ;).
ReplyDeletethe bit about the sun at the end was simply fabulous, so lyrical.
ReplyDeleteFavourite apocalypse? Why "Now" of course, no contest
marc nash
I liked so much about this - The idea of having a favorite apocalypse. The vampire dinosaur. Thinking the sun was a fairytale.
ReplyDeleteFunny and Awesome, John.
A lovely irreverent tone about apocalypses. I love this concept of vampires becoming dominant and farming normal flesh until that first sunrise. Nice ending line.
ReplyDeleteLovely freaky awesome history lesson/theory!
ReplyDelete"There’s the legend – the awesome legend – of the infected tyrannosaur rampaging the south coast." this line killed me but then came the fairies eating vampire bones and I was blown away! Great idea. Brill ending.
There are a few ideas in here that I wouldn't be disappointed to see in Jurassic Park 4.
ReplyDeleteGenuine question: where did the first ever vampire come from?
It's widely believed that the first strain of vampirism was also the first strain of bacteria that learned to practice magic. It's very simple magic, manipulating the host of the infection, but damningly effective. More sustainable magical infections showed up centuries later, presumably through evolution or sheer practice.
Delete"Who doesn’t want to believe in a vampire tyrannosaur, blending in with lava mist or drinking sharks at the bottom of the sea?"
ReplyDeleteYe gods, that answers a whooooole lot of nagging questions....
So how do you get rid of the tentacle monsters? We must know!!!
ReplyDelete