At least once a week for as long as I can remember I have
been overwhelmed by the desire to exuberantly express to someone how lovable
they are, or how funny and insightful, or how giving and kind, or how
beautiful, or otherwise how I am positively enraptured by their existing at the
same time as I did.
Also at least once a week for as long as I can remember I
have been overwhelmed by the desire to scream expletives directly into the
mouth of another, or to seize them by the shoulders and beat them in the face
until their nose was as flat as their brows, or to otherwise exuberantly
express my displease with their passion, religion or other elements of their
person.
In my entire adult life I have striven to exercise the first
of these overwhelming desires, and likewise striven to prohibit appearance of
the second. As a direct result, a few people like me, most people don’t know
who I am, and a slightly larger number than that hold me with outrageous
contempt. I’m quite at peace with all of this.
I've been puzzling over the same thing since Jr High when friends chased the "bad boys" and then sobbed over being mistreated time and again. A few years ago I cut out all of the toxic people in my life. My circle of family and friends shrank drastically, but I now live a (relatively) tranquil life. I hope yours is the same. :-)
ReplyDeleteWhere does the contempt come from? If you have indeed managed not to tell the oxygen thieves that they are a blight on the universe and have also managed to tell the important people in your life that they matter and why, I think you have done an amazing job. Better than most of us. Certainly better than me.
ReplyDeleteWell the older I get the less friends I have, and I think that's because it's easier not to be up with other people's shit than to tell them about it. ^_^ My life is more peaceful now than it has been in many a year.
ReplyDeleteOops be up should read put up ^_^ naughty keyboard!
ReplyDeleteI always wonder if I'd be happier if I gave in to the second urge. Well done in following the first.
ReplyDelete