Bathroom Monologue: Round One, OR, Amateur Boxing Advice

“So, the first round's in the books, and I just wanted to update you on what I learned about your opponent’s strengths. For instance, he’s really good at punching you in the head. Looks like he was born to do it. He’s got a great right, so maybe you should try dodging it next time so I can get a look at his left. His left is presently an enigma. Could be a pure southpaw for all I know.

“In terms of weaknesses, he really likes hitting you when you don’t him back, which would be a weakness if he seemed to get tired. But I don’t see how the human hand can be stronger than the human skull, so if it’s your strategy to pop one of his knuckles with your forehead, I mean, you’re the professional. God bless, and see you if you make through round two.”