Finally, here comes the bride. I didn’t know they wore
white, too. Looks funny against her… brown. Why don’t they call them ‘brown’?
You should call a thing what it is.
Think better thoughts, man. Think warm thoughts; look like
you’re thinking warm thoughts. Look at Jasper; look how he’s looking. Okay,
less lust than he’s got. What a perv. You can ogle her later tonight, dude. Her
parents’ are in the front row.
Front row left. Front row right are Jasper’s. White on
right, or, I guess kind of beige. His dad is kind of turnip-colored now. Souse.
Why are my guts churning? Why does this feel wrong? Jasper’s
so happy he’s rocking on his heels. The perv looks horny as hell, which is as
close to happy as he gets without pot in hand and baseball on TV. He isn’t
wrong. My guts are wrong. Look at her.
Am I wrong?
Rainbows. When we were really little and I drew rainbows,
I’d have all the colors in their own bars. Nobody said that was wrong. I’d look
out and see a real rainbow and all the colors would mix into each other, and I
go, “Oh yeah, that’s what it is.” But the next time I got out my Crayolas, damned
if I didn’t scribble all the colors in their own lines. That wasn’t wrong.
Everybody draws rainbows like I did, except sometimes I forgot orange.
That’s just how people work. Jasper knows this. Akeelah knows
this. You jump rope during Gym, and you draw rainbows during Art, and then you put
all your papers together in a binder. You have a sock drawer, and a shirt
drawer, and a pants drawer. If the economy isn’t crapping on you, you have a
bed room and a kitchen. You put kitchen things in the kitchen, and bed things
in the bed room, and socks in the sock drawer. Akeelah didn’t get that dress
from a pile of crayons and used books. She bought it off a rack of dresses at a
store that sells dresses, because that’s how order works. Wish she’d bought a
looser one.
Okay, smile. Smile. Yes, smile for Akeelah like you don’t
think this is weird. A little nod. Let Jasper make the big gesture. Don’t make
it seem weird that she’s not wearing a veil at a freaking wedding.
Think of sports. Think of all the players in all the teams
in all the cities in all the divisions in all the conferences in all the
leagues in all the world. Number 67 from the Red Sox can’t just join the White
Sox because he feels like it, or because he loves the shortstop. They’d holler
at him, just like my mom would have hollered at me if I tied a red sock and a
white sock and called them a pair. People have sock drawers for a reason.
Is the room dizzy?
I am not going to pass out. No, I am not. Jasper will never
forgive me. Okay, he’ll forgive me a minute later, but he’ll never let me live
it down. If I pass out on top of the groom, or worse, fall onto Akeelah’s side.
Onto the black side. The brown side of the wedding. Then I’ll be the one
messing up the order of all things, and Jasper will never stop making fun of
me.
Jasper! Stop eye-banging her like that. She’s a person, not
a pair of floating mams.
She’s a person. He’s a person. They want to be together.
Isn’t like I’m going to scream, “Rainbows!” when the pastor asks for us to
speak now or never yadda-yadda. I know I’m wrong.
Do I know I’m wrong? My guts know one thing: sock drawers,
baseball, Gym class and English. Separating things is the way. It’s human
nature. Can I go against it? Is that possible? I mean, if I know that what I
know is wrong, then don’t I also know another thing that is right, and isn’t that
also in me? Am I right and wrong, stowed away in the same brain drawer?
I mean, I don’t have to marry her. I don’t even have to
touch her. Jasper will take the ring and then he’ll touch her. They’ll handle
all the touching themselves. God, she looks so happy.
I will not pass out. I will not pass out.
Say your vows already! I need to sit down. About now, I need
a bottle of Grey Goose and the head off of that ice sculpture.
Not that ice sculpture heads go in drinks. Cripes, she’s
getting to me.
They’re not even listening to this priest. He probably cost
a lot of money, and all you’re doing is salivating. Jasper, your mom is
watching. Your bride is watching. And Akeelah, you, you…
Man, she is watching. Has she been looking in his eyes like
that this whole time? Why isn’t she mad at him? Don’t they get mad? How can you
not be mad at such an obvious perverted fuck? I mean, he is my friend, but he
wouldn’t be if he stared like that. I even want to slap him, and I’m not on her
side. I mean, the best man is never on the bride’s side, but that’s only… fuck
it.
Did she wink at me? Is she happy I’m here? Lady, you would
not be winking if you could hear my thoughts. Unless you can hear them. In
which case… I mean, why didn’t you wear a veil? Also, is his horniness funny to
you, or do you actually love him? Because I don’t know if I can handle this. I’m
really sorry if I pass out at your wedding. You look very nice, as Jasper is
making obvious. I think I wouldn’t mind red and white socks going together if
they looked as happy for it as you do.
God, please make them say their vows already so I can get
drunk.
I didn't find this funny, I found it very sad - that old colour of your skin thing.
ReplyDeleteVery old, and barbed.
DeleteHi there John -- I suspect if a receiver was invented that allowed folk to hear the thoughts of others we'd all be permanently horrified, even if Apple made the wee thing nice and ergonomic. Liked that head of an ice sculpture line. Now entirely suspicious of all best men. St.
ReplyDeleteOh, the contents of any mind could horrify. Out of curiosity, are you married, and did you have a best man?
DeleteA very old issue wrapped in barbed wire. I loved the dichotomy going on in the best man's head, and felt very sad for him. I do hope he didn't pass out. He is right - Jasper would hold it against him and repeat the story forever.
ReplyDeleteI certainly would never let my friends get over it.
DeleteCompelling until the end. Certainly not nice, or comfortable, but unfortunately true.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Laura. Did you find any elements or moments particularly compelling?
DeleteI liked the pace of the thoughts running against the pace of the wedding itself and the conflict within the main character.
ReplyDeleteThere's something moving (for me anyway) about the moment a hidden dream/hope becomes forever dashed.
Did you see something dashed in this? Perhaps besides some preconceptions about segregation?
DeleteThis was both painful to read and enjoyable at the same time. I had to laugh at his scattered and disjointed thought process. Seeing his inner struggle made it feel real and allowed me to feel sorry for him. The painful part was just that this is all too common even in today's world.
ReplyDeleteIt also brought back a funny memory as Kristy and I had an ice sculpture of a swan at our wedding reception and the head fell off not long into the reception.
I'd imagine any sculpture with a long and slender neck could be trouble. However, I totally would have used the head in my drink. Want to split one?
DeleteI really loved this. It was gritty, realistic, and honest. This kicked ass, John.
ReplyDeleteMuch appreciated, Carrie. Did anything in particular strike you as gritty to it?
DeleteI'd say the parts where he goes from concerning himself with the present situation to thinking like a dude. Like thinking back, checking out assets. You know. Gritty. :)
DeleteInteresting - I'm working on a short story about the same subject, (but of course from a very different perspective). I almost posted a snippet of it this week but wasn't satisfied with it. Now I'm glad I didn't.
ReplyDeleteYou show how tormented some people can be [by the way they were reared] very very well here John. A sad reality....
What angle are you approaching the subject matter from, Deanna?
DeleteI'm thinking this guy was maybe not the best choice for a best man.
ReplyDeleteDoes Jasper strike you as the particularly connected type?
DeleteI'm 100% sure more than one person thought this at my wedding.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have been there. I would have brought much nicer thoughts. Need a Best Man?
DeleteI love the bit about the rainbows and the Crayolas. Never forget orange.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you run out?
DeleteI just hope they will be happy together, and that the best man doesn't get so drunk he starts thinking out loud. :-D
ReplyDeleteJohn, I believe you walked a very fine line posting this piece, I feel for this best man! This took guts, and was very gritty, as it is not a comfortable subject to approach. I think you did it well, especially using the subtlety of the crayolas and the rainbows!
ReplyDeleteThis week in Oz, there has been talk of bringing in laws to "dob in a racist" I wonder how that will work???
This was a difficult read. The writing was great, but it was like listening to someone give an awkward speech at a gathering, only they don't know, can't read the room, that they are being awkward so they just go on and on, and you just want to jump in and help them out by making them sit down. Well done.
ReplyDeleteTight writing as always. Feel bad for Akeelah - Jasper comes across as questionable given his choice of best man above all else. Ogling aside.
ReplyDeletePoor guy. He needs more balls. Should have asked her before Jasper got involved.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing and scary. His logic doesn't make sense, yet one can see how he fell into his beliefs or at least manages to live with them.
ReplyDeleteIt shows how chaotic our minds can be. My mind is often flying off at tangents. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteMaybe he should invest in some rainbow socks?
Really complex stuff here--you've got the best man an emo case. Honest stuff, too; I think more readers than would care to admit would think some of the same thoughts as your best man. I would like to say interracial marriages are well-accepted, but they still are not--there is a lot of outer--and inner--work still to be done in our society, even among the most liberal of us.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you keep coming back to the crayons and the rainbow, super anchors for this story. Peace...
Very thoughtful piece! I especially liked the bits about socks and rainbows.
ReplyDelete"I think I wouldn’t mind red and white socks going together if they looked as happy for it as you do."
ReplyDeleteI love that. Well done.
I'm to be best man at my brother's wedding next year and will not be thinking any of these things. A part from the passing out thing, I suspect. Nice job, John.
ReplyDeleteHi John - There are two well documented true stories about the (fairly) modern Jewish community in Manchester, U.K., which prove the truth of this horribly clever piece:
ReplyDelete1. Catholic-born girl converts and marries nominally Orthodox Jewish boy and her devoutly Christian mother watches ceremony from gallery in floods of joyless tears.
2. Jewish groom walks up aisle of synagogue towards wedding canopy to await his bride but on way sees another girl in the congregation he fancies rather more. Talk about wed on Sunday, divorced on Monday, that's the end of ...
Our job, like Will said all those years ago, is still to hold the mirror up to nature. Other kids at school sometimes accused me of thinking evil things. Part of the good artiste's lot wouldn't you say? Congrats. on another excellent story! I'm going to re-post once more to show my appreciation. N. xx
What Steve Green said! Also, the best man may need to learn to lighten up without needing drinks to do it for him. Sheesh, there's an entire sub-type of handmade socks which go together but don't "match" in the traditional sense. I'm making a Space Invaders pair right now.
ReplyDeleteJust because things don't "go" together doesn't mean they won't work anyway!
ReplyDelete