I mean, I’d like to live with you forever. You’re the best
friend I’ve ever had, even if you drank my dad, and really, if we live forever,
then we can live to the point where humans go to space, and then we don’t have
to worry about the sun killing us anymore. That’s pretty much living in a night
sky, which you don’t seem allergic to. And I think rolling around with a
vampire space-buddy would be bad ass.
But I don’t think it’s a good idea. Dad won’t be the last
person who tries to plant a stake in you, and you’re kind of helpless during
the day. Rough as shit at night, but not during sun-up. And I don’t know if you
know this, but insurance people, and meter readers, and the IRS, and cleaning
ladies – they all visit during the day. It’s only luck that a tornado or
hurricane or terrorist hasn’t blown up a wall and bathed you in killer sunshine.
What if you need to evacuate? We’re going to have to live in this world for a
century or something before we can blastoff into space, and buddy, you’re just
not equipped. You’re a creature of the night, but also a special needs case.
So I’m thinking, at least for right now, I’m going to stay
human. I can finish my Registered Nurse training, and maybe even get paid by
the government to take care of your ass. That’d be funny, right? Their tax
dollars at work, assisting a predator.
Also, you’re not eating people anymore. At least not in
front of me. Dad was a premium asshole, but… yeah, I can’t take many more
homicides. Do a blood drive. Or, I’ll do a blood drive, since those are mostly
during the day.
See, though? I’ve got to stay flesh-and-blood, not
flesh-and-blood-and-blood-and-blood. It’s better for both of us. Just hope
that, you know, they figure out robot bodies before I get too old. I really
want to see space.
I can't think of anything to say because I'm still laughing.
ReplyDeleteJai
Loud smiles here as well. I would like to see a sequel though - dissing a vampire has to have consequences.
ReplyDeleteI wish people on vampire stories looked at it this practically.
ReplyDeleteSurely going into space would be bad for a Vampire? The story makes a good point though, Vampires are pretty lame and need looking after. They should have their own charity.
ReplyDelete