Bathroom Monologue: Wholesale Magic Carpets

“Please stop buying magic carpets from Amazon. Hoarders who locked their magic carpets away in tombs were bad enough, as most such people were early adopters who paid premium prices in the hopes of displaying them in public and improving our profile. But this website, it’s offensive. They sell our carpets for half of what they paid, and now no one buys magic carpets anywhere else. Everyone has two, and wants the next model, and what does Amazon do? It tries to extort lower profits out of us – they have no love for the craft, for the ethereal loom, for the prestige of the magic carpet. And these buyers, they don’t see my carpets as amazing means of flight anymore. They see them as overpriced. There is a petition on the web, with ten thousand signees who say I am unfair for charging so much. My profession, once vaunted, is now something I can barely make a living at. It’s enough to make a wizard collude with Apple.”