Hark and grace unto this invention: the towel. Yes, you can
dip it in barbecue sauce, or nutrients for later sucking, or hail a spaceship
with it, but there are other uses.
Here, humanity has said, “I have this wetness all over me
and no biological recourse against it. I would dry it with my hair, only my
hair is wet.”
And what was humanity’s answer? To create a rectangle of something else’s hair to get wet
for you, with as little effort as a brief application and a tap. Or a scrub, or
a rub, or a flossing motion that you really ought not to try when other people
are around. It absorbs wetness even better than human hair, and is thus an
improvement on evolution, a superior portable toupee that you can wear over
your head, or around your genitals, or as a cape, unless your friends are
judgmental pricks.
They are cheap, efficient, and do a job evolution utterly
failed at despite having shat us out of the ocean by several million years of
effort. Some will say the towel is an extended phenotype, a necessary invention
of our evolved brains. These people are trying to help evolution reach the
towel rack. Even fundamental forces of history and biology want in on the
towel.
Counter est. March 2, 2008
Oh, I couldn't agree with you more. And may I say, what an appropriate post for a Thursday!
ReplyDeleteIt also provides a clean place to sit in the sand, and can be used as a tablecloth or knapsack in a pinch. I've seen it used in impromptu mating rituals (don't ask).
ReplyDeleteYes, if all our other technology was forcibly removed from us, we'd still have our towels, and we'd thrive. Douglas Adams was right, and so are you.
Some stuff got invented right the first time, and has stayed the same for centuries. One of those things is the towel.
ReplyDelete