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Sunday, September 29, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: You Didn't Have to Elope


You didn’t have to elope. Okay, your mother never would have given her blessing to you marrying a… one of them. But I would have. You’re my boy. You would have made the decision no matter what I said – that’s obvious because you ran off and got married without asking me! And if you had to do it that weekend, fine. But if you called, I would have come. I would have been on the first plane to be there. I would have gone to your Bachelor Party. I would have paid for dinner after the reception. I will spend the rest of my life wishing I could have been there for this. And I’m not angry at you. You’re a married man now, and you’re going to have a lot more problems than some over the hill guy from the middle class being mad at you. I’m telling you this because I want you to call me. When you buy a house. When she gets pregnant. When my first grandchild is born. I don’t know what I ever did to make you think you couldn’t call me or shouldn’t tell me, but please: call. I will be on that first flight to see my grandson take his first steps or graduate third grade. Just call.
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11 comments:

  1. Elephant's ChildSeptember 30, 2013 at 1:27 AM

    Hmm. I suspect eloping was the best option. And what if that first grandchild is a girl - would he still be on that first flight?

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  2. Tony NolandSeptember 30, 2013 at 9:44 AM

    But the act of eloping shapes the entire life that follows, putting the relationship on a new footing. You would have given your blessing? Sure you would have.

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  3. Alex J. CavanaughSeptember 30, 2013 at 9:50 AM

    Lots of regret there. Hopefully it's the only time.

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  4. AnonymousSeptember 30, 2013 at 9:57 AM

    Well, I think this is a sweet little post. I hope he calls when all those things happen.

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  5. Karen Wojcik BernerSeptember 30, 2013 at 11:07 AM

    This piece captures family tensions very well, John. Looks like eloping was a must!

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  6. Cathy Olliffe-WebsterSeptember 30, 2013 at 11:30 AM

    Awww... that's really sweet, John. It made my bottom lip tremble. And I liked it so much I read it thrice.

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  7. Danielle La PagliaSeptember 30, 2013 at 3:31 PM

    Wow. I had major flashbacks to running off with Monster's dad. Weird. I think that translates into: you did a great job because it felt real.

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  8. Shell FlowerSeptember 30, 2013 at 8:16 PM

    So, is this flash? Because it feels real. If it's flash, you're amazing. If it's real, well, sad, but it happens. My brother (who was considered perfect by all of my sisters until this moment) called our parents the day their first grandchild was born. It was awesome for me, because I was about 2 months pregnant with their second grandchild when all this went down, so I was no longer afraid to tell them. We're not a particularly distant family, but my parents are uber Catholic, so it's a hard one when you grow up with expressions like "living in sin" and "out-of-wedlock" being flung around all the time. Either way, great post.

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  9. Katherine HajerSeptember 30, 2013 at 9:18 PM

    Geez Dad, what if they just eloped to save the money from the wedding and put it towards a house down payment? I'm with Karen's comment on this one. Nice job!

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  10. CynthiaOctober 2, 2013 at 5:39 AM

    "One of them?" Now I'm curious to hear what this speaker's monologue to the new wife would be!

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  11. Peter NewmanOctober 3, 2013 at 7:37 AM

    I like him.

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