Bathroom Monologue: Like your first words were better

The government sealed the audiotapes for years, just because these seemed like the sort of thing they were supposed to seal for years. Theologians and scientists were in an uproar before they even understood what the recording meant. Building a time machine to eavesdrop on pre-history was unpopular enough when the budget was announced; if the nation figured out that they'd left the lens cap on the camera, everyone in the department would be fired. Still, the recording device had gone through and not only picked up audio of the Big Bang explosion; thanks to the time warp, it got four seconds of audio from before the Big Bang. When the recording was still just a rumor it was decried a fake by people who hadn't heard it yet, and was heralded as proof of the existence of God by people who had money on the line. It was first released to the public by accident, when the MP3 somehow got onto someone's iPod, and onto 100,000 other iPods the next downloading day. An informal poll suggested most people thought these words supposedly recorded from just before time began were a mix-up, but everyone felt the same awkward peace when they heard them: "Did that do it, Gabe? No? What about this?"