Bathroom Monologue: No Gay-Dar

I don't care if you're gay. I never have cared. I'll care if you're lonely, I'll care if you two just broke up, and I'll care if your lover stole all the money from your joint-accounts and moved to Hawaii. But it's your sexuality, and I don't want to watch you have sex with anyone of any shape in possession of any form of genitalia. Besides, I suck at sexualities. I've had gay people hit on me, for years, and I didn't realize they were gay. I've had a gay professor talk to me about stalking his boyfriend, and I didn't realize he was gay. I've had gay people ask me out on dates. And I've gone. And at the end of those nights, I didn't realize they were gay. I can't tell why I can't tell. Everyone else seems really good at it. It wouldn't bother me so much, but I'm a little worried that I'll wind up married to one of them, and still not notice.