Bathroom Monologue: Think of their contact lens expenses

It's a shame that "Triclops" isn't a better-sounding name. The Cyclopes had no such problems. Even werewolves have weathered popularity of brand name well, despite "lycans" sounding like something that grows on the underside of your boat. But the Triclopes had no such luck, which was a shame, since they had so much to offer. Why, with their skill in spears, if given the proper lead role in an RPG they could have made lances the next "swords." And most of them could stop time by blinking their third eye, and even the weakest Triclops could pluck up two ends of time and knit with it. Yet to re-launch their brand they needed a new name, having been unpopular to the point of obscurity since that bastard, Homer, snubbed them out of a villain role in his "Iliad sequel" project. Most of the three-eyed beasts wanted a three-related or eye-related name, with conservatives demanding a three-eye-related name, and liberals proposing something fresh. The young suggested some kind of confection-based name, since it has been well-known to those who know it that Triclopes make the best cookies on earth. However, one cynical comment about "Master Bakers" and the cookie proposal crumbled. "Three Eyes?" No style. "The Gejj?" Foreign-sounding names were going out of style. "Triads?" No, they weren't going to pick a fight with the mafia of any country that had nuclear weapons. Exhausted and out of ideas, the Triclopes will take open their search to internet suggestions this winter, hoping for some of the same "unappreciated minority" appeal that has worked so well for other species and races. Though first, they have to agree on a catchy URL.