-you know the names of fifty different kinds of pasta, and a guy who can get them for you cheap, because he owes you a favor.
-you need a house with a view, and a steep drop.
-you've bought fish that actually came wrapped in newspaper.
-you've never seen The Godfather because, "I already know all the details."
-you don't find Robert DeNiro impressions funny in the least, mostly because they don't remind you of Robert DeNiro.
-rather than checking under the hood when you have engine trouble, you wonder if you've done anything bad lately.
Folks, I'll be out of town for the rest of the week, so this is the last Bathroom Monologue for a few days. I request any readers who actually give a crap about these monologues leave their own humorous conclusion to this mob sentence in the Comments feature for this post. It's an experiment... in love.
...you own several cases for musical instruments but not the instruments themselves.
ReplyDelete...your best friends names are Vino, Ginnie, Donnie, and Lou.
ReplyDelete...you don't watch the Sopranos, you live it.
...you *always* wear Armani. Even to the gym.
...No matter what it is, you've got a cousin or friend who can get it for you or a friend cheaper.
...you've spent many a night playing 'Six Degrees of Al Capone'. Using only family members.
ReplyDelete...when people say "I need to go to the cleaners", you ask who they've killed.
ReplyDelete...you are introduced to a man named Guido and don't bat an eye.
...you know several stores where you can't actually buy what they advertise, and what they actually sell.
...you broken several bones in you lifetime. Just not your own.
...the words "family" and "business" have non-standard definitions.
ReplyDelete...any statement with the word "sleep" in it makes you nervous.
...your wife's hair is more than a foot high.
...you don't have friends, you have convenient alibis.
Thanks so much, everybody!
ReplyDelete