Bathroom Monologue: Methods of Transport

Horses were the cars of the 18th century. People switched from horses to cars because when a car has to stop for gas, the passengers don’t throw up. People also jumped to cars because they had multiple “horsepower.” Every attempt to increase the horsepower of a horse, by grafting additional legs onto it or feeding it caffeine, tended to fail and kill and the mode of transportation. So the horse was left behind for the automobile, and years passed. The car was intelligently designed, growing bigger and faster. The horse evolved, growing smarter. Horses attained speech in time to ask humans what they were thinking in sticking to the combustion engine, just before the environment collapsed and killed them both. Fortunately the car was advanced enough by this point to run things without them. Unfortunately, it was not advanced enough to appreciate the irony of the earth’s new dominant species being the Ford Mustang.