Bathroom Monologue: There’s no war like

The snowmen crushed the wolfmen. It was barely even a battle, really. Have you ever hit a dog in the nose with a snowball? Well then you know why the snowmen won. It helped that everything except their coal eyes and carrot noses were covered under their version of Medicare; nearly every war wound was corrected by a national healthcare system of precipitation. It was a battle born out of centuries of their ancestors being peed on, something they could stand no longer. And when the militant snowmen were through the wolfmen, they set their sights on their vilest oppressors: ploughs. When the county officers reached the parking lot they’d find every last truck in smoking ruins, each with a corncob pipe stuck in its tail pipe.