Bathroom Monologue: “I'd buy a hog and ride it to California.” –A random character in Kelly Link’s “Louise’s Ghost”

Clark Quelsy rides from coast to coast atop his massive pig. The hog drags a sack of tanned leather goods, which he distributes to any charitable children he can see from the road. His is a rare eye that can discern moral character for a mere glimpse at the back of a head. His is a rare hand that can hurl a homemade football to a second grader from eighty yards and through two panes of school glass window. His gifts will not be denied, nor will his passage. Tollbooth workers know the sound of his mighty pig’s hooves, and always leave their gates open out of fearful respect.