Bathroom Monologue: Items Not Found In Videogames

-Morning After Pill – 500 Gold – “For Unwanted Status Effects”

-Chinese Finger Trap – 1 Gold – “Challenge any boss monster to escape it to skip boss fight.”

-Red Bull – 50 Gold – “Regain nominal amount of health, but in half an hour your HP will crash.”

-First Aid Manual – 1 Gold – “A medical explanation of how to treat wounds, infections and other dangerous physical states, OR, How picking up a first aid kit does not save you from a bullet to the skull.”

-360 Degree View – Free – “All your enemies have lined up in front of you, leaving you the right, left and behind if you feel like running away.”

-Get Out of Jail Free Card – 1000 Gold – “Because the means the plot was going to use to explain how you escape were just too ridiculous.”

-Quaker Guide to Mediation and Conflict Resolution – Free – “All Those People Don’t Have to Die, Do They?”