Bathroom Monologue: Culturally, it's Three Wishes to a Genie or Three Sneezes to a Wish

Grandpa taught him an Irish superstition. Two sneezes? Sure, somebody could be talking about you behind your back. But if you sneezed three times, then that was an opportunity. Whatever you were thinking when you sneezed three times would come true. Why, Grandpa had been thinking of a pretty girl when he sneezed three times in the middle of World War 2, and he met Grandma on his next shore leave. So the child tried to summon good thoughts whenever he felt a sneeze coming on. He had a mental narrative that took up about the length of three sneezes. It was a struggle to keep his mind on anything but the fact that he was sneezing, but he was devoted to this. If it were one or two? No loss. But if his wish ever took, man that would be cool. He’d know instantly, too. No waiting to meet a girl. Girls were gross. No, one of these sneezes he’d get lucky and know it immediately when he turned green and grew so big his clothes ripped.