John Wiswell on the Web

Once upon a time stories began with, "Once upon a time." When they did, I was conscripted by some would-be demigods. They paid me ...

"Harold Bloom, Alexis de Tocqueville, all the sum of history's critics and elitists couldn't or didn't (or a mixture of bot...

Toyota stresses that the new Flying Car Model ™, or Toyota Apollo ®, will not eliminate traffic jams. It will, however, make traffic jams mu...

Tinkering around with this site. The Comments feature should now be open so that anyone can use it, rather than only people who are register...

John dreamed of going to outerspace. He founded a space program in the third grade, consisting of him and his autistic school janitor. He di...

In a world where no one believed anymore, where salt and silver had lost their power, where the cross could no longer scorch children of the...

Freddy: A group assembled from the highest criteria, a squad of hardened assassins. We went around to the seediest pubs in the world, and fi...

"I don't believe in Him, but I'm not cocky. This Guy invented lightning, cholera and the shark. I don't want Him mad at me....

-No. -No, now please stop asking. -By the throat. -With soy sauce. -Do they double well as calk? -Right where I want them. -How much does th...

Suddenly my right side went numb. I couldn't move my hand. I couldn't feel my arm. "Holy shit," I thought. "I've ...

I was stunned when my Indian friend, Franky, was walking around with a Bible last week. He usually detests religion. I asked him what was up...

No one you want to impress shops at Wal-Mart, ma'am. In fact they hold anyone who shops there in disdain. Any store you can think of is ...

The Humans claimed dolphins were mammals like them, because they breathed air and gave birth to live young. The Dwarfs claimed dolphins were...

On the side of the mountain, there lay a suit of immaculate gold and silver armor, glittering in the noon sun. A skeleton was visible under ...

"When I heard serial killers were supposed to have a target group, I was pretty lost for words. Apparently a pattern is a selling point...

The valedictorian of days, the Last Judgment, stood and marched down the aisle to the Provost of Time, glancing smugly at her fellow student...

Bill thought Twinkies could never expire. They felt like styrofoam and tasted like sugar, those immutable, unchanging basic elements of soci...

"God, long having lost touch with creation after inventing introspection, sent out a commission to the living quadrants of the Omnivers...

Ares was the god of war, Aphrodite was the goddess of love, but Apollo was the asshole god who wanted to take seventeen majors in college. A...

Welcome to The Bathroom Monologues. My name is John Wiswell. I write short stories, micro-fiction, haiku and the occasional novel. Most of m...