Bathroom Monologue: x6

I’m old. Older all the time. It’s a peculiar disability. You know how the Antichrist is supposed to have three 6’s on his scalp? Well I have ‘x6’ on my scalp. I’m so old that I get six times older for every day that passes. Aging backwards in time itself, so I may look in my twenties to you, but I stretch back. By age two I was twelve years old. By the time Mom was looking at Daycare, I was an assistant to Darwin – the one who covered up those letters from Gregor Mendel so he looked like more of a genius. When people ask me to tell them about the war, I ask, “Which one?” By the time I could drive, I helped invent the covered wagon. By the time my brother could drive, I was giving Romulus and Remus family counseling. I’m so old that on my deathbed, I’ll have given that God kid a loan for His “start-up venture.” I’ll hope it turns out good. I’ll be so old that by then, I’ll have seen all of it.