Bathroom Monologue: Wee People's Armageddon

The gnomes had gone into hiding, nearly made extinct by callous humans two hundred years ago. They had been eaten, trampled, and lost their homes to unexpecting developers who poured their cement wherever they pleased. Environmentalist humans devoted their lives to atoning for the sins of their forefathers, living off the land, using only products that were gnome-safe. They lived around the mountains and forests where the gnomes resided, preventing anyone from coming in and spoiling these gnome-happy lands. Yet the gnomes developed weapons of mass destruction to annihilate the humans anyway, and not for revenge on the developers, not out of grief for the thousands who had been eaten when they got stuck in bags of gummy bears, but because, "those damn, smelly hippies won't leave us alone."