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Monday, March 5, 2018

Bathroom Monologues Movie Awards 2017

It's almost March 2018, so of course we're all talking about the best movies of 2017. Naturally I disagree with some of the Oscar winners. More naturally, I don't understand what some of the categories mean. But nothing shall dissuade me from telling a democratic body of people who devote swaths of their lives to film that their mass conclusions were wrong. So here we go!

The Robbed Award
Going to the movie that got no play last year
and is just as good as whatever won Best Picture
FENCES


The Too Little/Too Late Award
Going to the movie I missed by several years,
but have now seen and wish I'd been on the bandwagon for at the time
DELIVERANCE


The Raddest Scene Award
Going to the raddest scene in a motion picture
RAW, JUSTINE'S SISTER HAS AN "ACCIDENT"


The Best Music Award
COCO 
HONORABLE MENTIONS
DUNKIRK
BABY DRIVER

 
The Dark Horse Award
Going to the movie that was way better than you all led me to believe it would be
KONG: SKULL ISLAND

 
The Frank/Nixon Memorial Award
Going to all actors who performed as well or better
than Frank Langella did in Frost/Nixon
For the ninth year in a row, NO ONE


You're Actually All Great At This
Going to the best ensemble in a motion picture,
since a great cast is way more impressive than a single great performance
THE FLORIDA PROJECT
HONORABLE MENTIONS
LOGAN
LADY BIRD
THE POST


 The "There's No Such Thing As The Best Movie of the Year" Award
Seeing as there is no such thing as a best movie amidst a field of
comedies, dramas, musicals, period pieces, speculative fiction, animation,
blockbusters and an international film market we're both not watching enough of as it is,
the award that simply goes to whatever movie brought me
the closest to both crying and laughing last year 
LADY BIRD
HONORABLE MENTIONS
LOGAN
A DARK SONG
COCO
THE FLORIDA PROJECT


Previous Years
2016 Awards
at

6 comments:

  1. CassieMarch 5, 2018 at 11:23 AM

    I look forward to these awards every year!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alex J. CavanaughMarch 5, 2018 at 12:44 PM

    Will we ever have a contender for the Frank/Nixon Memorial Award again? Even someone doing it badly?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alex J. CavanaughMarch 5, 2018 at 12:45 PM

    Oh, and my robbed award goes to Wind River. Powerful film that was completely overlooked for an Oscar.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. John WiswellMarch 5, 2018 at 1:20 PM

      I haven't seen Wind River yet! I'll have to look it up.

      Delete
  4. Elephant's ChildMarch 5, 2018 at 3:46 PM

    My non-movie going self loves your awards. And is occasionally tempted.
    And conservatively speaking I am in agreement 1000 per cent about the nonsense of a 'best movie' award.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Danielle La PagliaJuly 21, 2018 at 7:52 PM

    Believe it or not, I haven't seen Fences or Deliverence. Or...wait for it...Nixon (I hope we can still be friends). I agree whole-heartedly about Coco. It was amazing. We watched it as a family (I think 10 of us went) at the theater and I just watched it again the other day but in Spanish and it was even better (we had family visiting from Mexico).

    Kong was actually really good and I was in no way looking forward to that movie. Lady Bird was so damn good. Laurie Metcalf was brilliant. And The Florida Project is on my "to watch" list.

    Did you not see Get Out?

    ReplyDelete