Monday, February 27, 2017

Bathroom Monologues Movie Awards 2016

It's almost March 2017, so of course we're all talking about the best movies of 2016. Personally, I'm most bummed that I missed out on The Handmaiden and Fences due to being too busy and ill to see them for their brief runs around here. For the Oscars, naturally I disagree with some of the winners. More naturally, I don't understand what some of the categories mean. But nothing shall dissuade me from telling a sizable democratic body of people who devote swaths of their lives to film that their mass conclusions were wrong. Here we go.

The Dark Horse Award
Going to the movie that was way better
than you all led me to believe it would be
Hail, Caesar!

The Raddest Scene Award
 Going to the raddest scene in a motion picture
The Reveal Sequence from Arrival
runners up: The inferno from Shin Godzilla
The out of focus interview in The Conjuring 2
"Is that classical music?" from Star Trek Beyond

The Best Soundtrack Award
John's already used the "going to the obvious thing-award" joke,
so this is embarrassing
Shin Godzilla
runners up: Stranger Things;
Luke Cage

The Frank/Nixon Memorial Award
Going to all actors who performed as well or better
than Frank Langella did in Frost/Nixon
for the eighth consecutive year, No One

You're Actually All Great At This
Going to the best ensemble in a motion picture,
since a great cast is way more impressive than a single great performance
Better Call Saul
runners up: Hell or High Water;
Stranger Things;
Hail, Caesar!

The "There's No Such Thing As The Best Movie of the Year" Award
Seeing as there is no such thing as a best movie amidst a field of
comedies, dramas, musicals, period pieces, speculative fiction, animation,
blockbusters and an international film market we're both not watching enough of as it is,
the award that simply goes to whatever movie brought me
the closest to both crying and laughing last year
runners up: Deadpool,


  1. Better Call Saul's cast - excellent choice!
    Some people just don't get Arrival, but I thought it was brilliant and a mind-blower.

    1. I had to spend half an hour explaining Arrival to my mom, so I sympathize.

  2. Arrival so deserves The Raddest Scene Award!

    1. Wouldn't it be wonderful if this kicked off a series of Ted Chiang movies?

  3. Okay, I had no desire to see Arrival, but I guess I'll cave and watch it now. I also really must watch Stranger Things. My mom has seen it and I haven't! That's pure madness. I thought Hail Caesar was fun and I really enjoyed Hell or High Water, even more so because it was filmed where I grew up (one robbery in my actual hometown) and because I just love Jeff Bridges.

  4. Among the movies you awarded including the runners up, ARRIVAL and DEADPOOL were two that I enjoyed watching in theaters. The soundtrack for ARRIVAL was nice in its subtlety that a friend I watched it with discussed how the music didn't distract from the story and action taking place on screen. That was one of the best things about that particular movie.

    FENCES is a movie I'm still hoping to catch in the cinema as well as HIDDEN FIGURES. There were so many interesting movies that came out in 2016 that I wanted to watch but missed because I either didn't know about them until it was too late to see them on the big screen or with others I just let it slip my mind as life got busy.

    On a side note: You won one of the 2017 Giveaway gift packs from the Mni Wiconi Blogathon and I've tried to reach you via email, to no avail. Please contact me so I will know what to do with your package. Thanks :)


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