Monday, February 28, 2011

The Bathroom Monologues Movie Awards

It's almost March 2011, so of course we're all talking about the best movies of 2010. If all the complaining on Twitter is any indication, I'm once again happy to have skipped the Academy Awards. Naturally I disagree with some of the winners. More naturally, I don't understand what some of the categories mean. But nothing shall dissuade me from telling a sizable democratic body of people who devote swaths of their lives to film that their mass conclusions were wrong. So here we go.

The Robbed Award
Going to the movie that got no play last year
and is still on my mind more than whatever won Best Picture

The Too Little/Too Late Award
Going to the movie I missed by several years,
but have now seen and wish I'd been on the bandwagon for at the time

The Raddest Scene Award
Going to the raddest scene in a motion picture
Regatta Race to Trent Reznor's "In The Hall of the Mountain King" remix, The Social Network

The Best Soundtrack Award
John's already used the "going to the obvious thing-award" joke,
so this is embarrassing

The Dark Horse Award
Going to the movie that was way better than you all led me to believe it would be

The "What Have I Done With My Life?" Award
Going to any kid born in 1996 who should not be nearly this good at acting
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit

You're Actually All Great At This
Going to the best ensemble in a motion picture
Everybody, Inception

The Frank/Nixon Memorial Award
Going to all actors who performed as well or better than Frank Langella did in Frost/Nixon
For the third year in a row, nobody

The "There's No Such Thing As The Best Movie of the Year" Award
Seeing as there is no such thing as a best movie amidst a field of comedies, dramas, musicals, period pieces, speculative fiction, animation, blockbusters and an international film market we're both not watching enough of as it is, the award that simply goes to whatever movie brought me the closes to both crying and laughing
Toy Story 3

(Baleful apologies to The King's Speech, Black Swan, Mother and other potentially fine films,
but for the life of me I could not convince one person to go see any of them.
Everyone else wanted to see Tron 2, so I stayed home and read a book instead.)


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. woops! sorry about that...

    Loved these awards :) I haven't seen Devil yet, but it's coming soon via Netflix.

    The King's Speech deserved the award (IMHO). I saw it Friday night. One of the best movies I've ever seen.

    Happy Monday!

    PS: I just read your About Me. Loved it! Marshmallows made from cadavers still has me giggling:)

  3. I always lag getting around to seeing movies. I saw only True Grit of those nominated and I agree with you that the girl was exceptional. I also watched Moon and the only reason is because I saw it in the Library. Never saw an advertisment for it. I checked it out because Sam Rockwell is highly reliable. Wasn't dissapointed.

  4. Jen, glad you enjoyed my mammalian About-Me. I will see King's Speech eventually. Got a healthy backlog on Netflix.

    Harry, I tend to lag very badly behind the critically acclaimed movies of a year. Actually made an effort to catch more of them this year. Sam Rockwell does rule, though.

  5. I would have gone to see any of those with you...if you'd come to Cali to watch them. goldentannedwestcoastface

  6. I didn't watch the show, either. I have no interest in award shows. I'm glad you posted this, though. I'm heading to Netflix now to check out Devil, and Moon is already in my Instant Queue, so I'll have to make sure to give it a watch soon.

  7. I didn't watch the Oscars, so this is my awards ceremony. I did see the Kings Speech though, and it was stellar.

    I'm sure your dress was just as good as anyone else's at any other awards last night.

  8. But where's the photo of you in a red dress and stilettos? Isn't that standard award ceremony garb? :D

    Actually, I haven't seen any of these, but I will say that TRON2 was actually imo pretty good. I wasn't expecting much, and I was pleasantly surprised. I even got a couple corny one liners from Jeff Bridges that my family's been quoting for months, just because it was silly. :D

  9. I found your final comment interesting. You couldn't persuade anyone to go see those movies, so you didn't see them? Going to movies alone isn't an option?

  10. Dude, you didn't call me? I definitely would have dragged your arse to see King's Speech... people told me it was good and I was like, meh, whatever, but it was extraordinary and totally deserving of the award. When it comes out on dvd, rent it.

  11. Tony, movies like King's Speech and Mother I would happily watch with a crowd but have no interest seeing alone. You can blame (or credit) the commercials and hype, but the feel I got from them left me desiring to see them with people rather than alone. Especially if I'm going to pay for a ticket, I'd rather have the experience with people.

    And I will see those movies. They're on my Netflix queue. I totally wish I could have gone to King's Speech with Cathy.

  12. Did you see L'Illusioniste? It was easily my favorite movie of 2010: it literally made me laugh AND cry, a pretty tough feat as my heart is made of stone. I haven't seen Toy Story 3 yet (and I'm sure it's also great), but I do think it's too bad that animated movies are ghetto-ized to the point that only one really gets a lot of critical and awards attention per year.

  13. I missed Moon because I never heard of it in any format, missed Devil because, like you, I heard it was horrible, loved Brick back when it came out, both laughed and cried at Toy Story 3, Loved Inception ensemble and music but was still pleased to see Trent Reznor win an Academy Award because who the hell ever thought was gonna happen and loved Black Swan. (Have also not yet seen True Grit or the King's Speech but plan on seeing both, as well as Winter's Bone even though it looks way depressing). SOrry I don't live close enough to be your movie going companion, but i'm happy to argue films with you after the fact! (P.S. UP is still shite!)


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