Monday, February 29, 2016

Bathroom Monologues Movie Awards 2015

It's almost March 2016, so of course we're all talking about the best movies of 2015. If all the griping on Twitter is any indication, I'm once again happy to have skipped the Academy Awards. Naturally I disagree with some of the winners. More naturally, I don't understand what some of the categories mean. But nothing shall dissuade me from telling a sizable democratic body of people who devote swaths of their lives to film that their mass conclusions were wrong. Here we go.

The Robbed Award
Going to the movie that got no play last year
and is still on my mind just as much as whatever won Best Picture

The Raddest Scene Award
Going to the raddest scene in a motion picture
Jurassic World: Indominus Rex Vs. T-Rex & Friends
honorable mentions: Kumiko the Treasure Hunter, the train scene;
The Revenant, the bear scene;
Furious 7, parachuting cars scene;
Inside Out, the abyss scene

The Best Music Award
John's already used the "going to the obvious thing-award" joke, so this is embarrassing

Straight Outta Compton
honorable mention: Inside Out; The Revenant

The Dark Horse Award
Going to the movie that was way better than you all led me to believe it would be
The Visit

The Frank/Nixon Memorial Award
Going to all actors who performed as well or better
than Frank Langella did in Frost/Nixon
for the seventh consecutive year, No One

You're Actually All Great At This
Going to the best ensemble in a motion picture,
since a great cast is way more impressive than a single great performance
Kumiko the Treasure Hunter
honorable mentions: Straight Outta Compton; Inside Out; Trainwreck; The Revenant

The "There's No Such Thing As The Best Movie of the Year" Award
Seeing as there is no such thing as a best movie amidst a field of
comedies, dramas, musicals, period pieces, speculative fiction, animation,
blockbusters and an international film market we're both not watching enough of as it is,
the award that simply goes to whatever movie brought me
the closest to both crying and laughing last year

Inside Out
honorable mention: Kumiko the Treasure Hunter; Spotlight

2010 Awards
2011 Awards
2012 Awards
2013 Awards
2014 Awards


  1. I don't think anyone will ever do a better Nixon.
    Still need to see The Visit.

    1. It's just a fun movie, and for once in a Shyamalan flick, people have a range of emotions rather than constantly morbidity.

  2. And another year rolled past and I didn't watch any movies. How do you people find the time?
    Love the reviews though.

    1. On those nights when the pain is too bad to even work my fingers, they are a lovely respite for the mind.


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