Friday, October 18, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: The Moon from Lionhead Lane

If you’ve been seeing the moon in the midday sky, you are not mad. Disregard the harassment of your many peers who do not see it there, and do not think it has been following the commuters along Lionhead Lane. Those who cannot see the moon’s daytime activities have an unusual belligerence, likely triggered by the moon’s private machinations.

If you suspect the moon has been whispering things to you, you’re not crazy. If it’s been whispering things to you that previously believed no one else could know, you’ve been right all along.

Regardless of your experiences, do not trust the moon.

If you’ve been seeing the moon in the midday sky, attempt to catch it and the sun in the same photograph. I haven’t worked out the physics of it yet, but I suspect it’s impossible. If you can do it, I’d be very interested to see the photos.

If the midday sun is whispering anything to you, return to your medication. The sun can’t telespeak.

If you have seen demons of any religious or secular stripe flying along Lionhead Lane, you’re not crazy. Avoid listening to them, and above all things, avoid looking at them and the moon at the same time. Do not photograph the demons.

If you have listened to or photographed the demons, stare the sun until the disembodied voices cease. If for some reason you fear the sun, very bright camera flashes may be a substitute. Regardless, do not heed the disembodied voices. They’re lying about the moon’s promises.

If you have listened to or photographed the demons… well, then you’re not reading this message, are you? You’re probably hearing it as I think it out before typing.

If you are experiencing this message telepathically, come to the coffee shop on the corner of 16th and Lionhead Lane. Bring ear muffs and solar lamps. We have work to do.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Two-Punch Pitches (as many as John can write before he passes out)

Hi, I'm John Wiswell and I write about tentacle monsters and post-apocalyptic optimism.
...and I write about dinosaurs and giant robots.
...and I write about prison breaks and the succubae who make it fun.
...and I write what lives between Humor and Horror.
...and I write excuses to have magical swords that work the way swords aren't supposed to.
...and I write about sentient puddles and the con men they love.
...and I write about the people who live on the border between empire and anarchy. It's nice this time of year.
...and I write about worlds that have seen so many apocalypses they're considered part of the weather.
...and I write about liars who need to be heroes and heroes who'd be better off as liars.
...and I write about giant monsters and insignificant survivors who need them.
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