Monday, December 24, 2007

A Making Grilled Cheese Sandwiches Monologue... by way of Dialogue

Abe: We want them scared, though.
Fenris: Not really, sir.
Abe: What's that?
Fenris: They have the second largest army in the world. Should they become too frightened, they will be much more likely to fire upon us, and the west coast, in which the two of us reside, cannot weather such a shelling.
Abe: You don't know what you're talking about, Fenny. I've always been smarter than you.
Fenris: Actually, that's just an illusion I've kept up in my tenure as your loyal man-servant. I'm quite a bit smarter than you, by at least thirty I.Q. points. My retirement portfolio is actually twice the size of yours now. I generally go around behind your back, fixing your mistakes, while stroking your ego, so as to make you as comfortable a master as you can be. It is my job. But please, don't antagonize the guys with nuclear weapons. It'd be a terrible career move, especially with your real estate holdings.
Abe: ... I'll tell you what. I'm going to call them and say this whole war-thing was a misunderstanding. And then I'm going watch as much reality TV as it takes to forget what you've just said.
Fenris: Jolly good decision, sir. Ranting about The Apprentice always cleanses your mind.
Abe: Fetch me a seltzer.
Fenris: Positively, sir.

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